It's a GIRL!!!

First off, I wanted to finally publically announce that I am expecting another baby girl in March 2014.
Tues (Oct 8) was the due date of the baby I miscarried at the beginning of this year. I consider it a huge blessing that I am expecting and so far along already. Otherwise this probably would have been a very difficult time. On Wed (Oct 9) I had my ultrasound to find out that I am having a girl. Again, I am so grateful that everything looked normal and this is a healthy pregnancy.
My heart aches for all those woman who have had miscarriages or who have had a hard time getting pregnant. It is so hard to have the righteous desire to have a child and not be blessed with one in the time or way that you were hoping. I wish that was something no one had to suffer through. I know I am blessed and wish that everyone could be in this way.
So I am already coming up on 20 weeks! I have been doing pretty well. I have had some rough patches where I have felt REALLY sick. I feel nauseous off and on throughout the days but am glad it isn't so bad that I can't hold down any food like during those tougr stretches.
Well, that was it. Just wanted to share my happy news!

Happiness

I have been thinking about happiness lately and what it means to me. Happiness is accepting and doing the will of the Lord. Sometimes in life we are faced with mountains that seem impossible to climb. Sometimes our trials come by none of our doing. Sometimes there is no changing or going around the things that are difficult in our lives. I have learned that in these situations where we have done all that we can do and are still called to endure a burden, the only way to be happy through it is to accept it. We can sit and say, "this isn't fair" or "I don't deserve this" or just keep praying that it will go away, but allowing those thoughts to fill our heart will only invite darkness to surround us. We will only add to our burdens. Jesus, suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, plead, "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." Jesus Christ is an example of all things, including how to face pains and afflictions that seem more than we can bare. I believe that if it is not the Father's will that our own "cup" be removed, then (as it was said in conference this weekend) you should drink it!!! The longer you fight it, the more miserable you will be. I know this is easier said than done, but face your life. It may not be everything you thought it would be. Find out if where you are in life is where God wants you to be and then accept it and all that may come with it. Then you must continue to do all that you can to keep going and to fulfill the will that our Father in Heaven has for you. Somehow by accepting and not fighting the will of the Lord, strength and courage shed light on every day. I am not writing with anyone or anything in particular, but these thoughts have been stirring in my mind. This isn't necessarily doctrine, but it is what I believe and have found to have helped me put one foot in front of the other during the times when I have felt I could go no further. I am not claiming that I have faced anything so devastating that I really have reason to complain. I have been blessed with so much. I just have such a testimony that in the end, accepting and doing the Lord's will, will always bring us to a higher and better place. We will look back and be grateful for where those struggles have brought us and who they have helped us become.

Summer 2013

This is the first year that summer really meant something different for our family. Up to now, I have not had any children in school. Even though Jaxson was only half day last school year, it was what we got used to. when summer first started, it took some time for my kids to figure out how to spend a whole day together again. I thought summer would be so slow.  It turns out, August is beginning this week and I can't believe that school will be starting again. So it is time for me to summarize our summer as most of it is over.

Our first trip was to Lake Powell. The kids and I tagged along with Derek and his Dad. They were headed up to get the houseboat ready for the big Bergstrom reunion. We spent 3 days up there. The water is always so great. My kids are getting more used to swimming and being there. We got home on a Thursday and then we were headed off to our next vacation destination.

We took our annual trip to Geneva, Idaho! We spend 6 days at my Grandma's house there. We enjoyed playing games together, hiking one of the mountains on her farm, 4-wheeler rides, dutchoven, cook outs, and lots of yummy food. We played some basketball and volleyball at her church. We also spent a day at Bear Lake where my mom's extended family held a reunion.  it was fun to see some of my second cousins that I have not seen for years. We were up there for the 4th. I must say that my brother and brother-in-law put on quite a fireworks show. We also got to sleep out in tents on my Grandma's lawn which was really fun for my kids (ok, and me as well!). We also drove into Montepelier to eat dinner at my Aunt's restaurant. It is called Dan's Diner and it is yummy!  My kids and I loved every minute of this trip as we always do. The kids are getting old enough that making this trip doesn't seem like so much work.

We got home on a Saturday and we were off again by Monday to head for Lake Powell. This is the trip we take every year with Derek's family. It is always a blast! Once again, this year was so much more relaxing for me because my kids are a little bigger and can play in the water with their life jackets without me feeling like they had to be right on my side every second. My kids are getting a lot more comfortable in the water. They went down the slides which shoot you out into the water from pretty high. Jaxson and Brooklyn also attempted skiing. Neither got up, but they surprised me at their determination to keep trying. It won't be long before we have ourselves some little skiers. 

By the time we got home from Powell, it was so nice to be in my own bed again. We had been in and out of town for three weeks. I felt so behind in things I had to get prepared for Pioneer Days and our Relief Society Meeting for the month.  I did get all done that was needed and was able to thouroughly enjoy both of those events.

That about sums up our summer. The rest of the time has been spent reading lots of library books, doing puzzles, visiting the splash-pad, going to a couple movies, and swimming at a neighborhood pool up the street where a friend let us borrow her key.

I am actually a little sad about school starting. Jaxson will be gone ALL day. 9:00-3:15! That seems like too long. I guess it is something a mom gets used to (and probably starts to look forward to). Brooklyn will also be attending preschool every day for 2 hours. I know from here, time is only going to go faster. I don't dare blink because I am afraid all of a sudden I will have a bunch of teenagers and my babies will all be grown.

New Blog Address

I am changing the address for my blog to bergstrombliss.blogspot.com. I wanted to give everyone that update and a little time to see this post and know where to look for me after I switch. Love you all!

Our Family Update

It is finally off! I had my cast on for nearly 7 weeks. I actually got used to using my left hand and now have to remind myself that I can use my right hand again. It is quite painful still and very stiff. I was hoping it would come off and I could go right back to life. I have missed my volleyball ladies dearly. Unfortunately, I think I will still be missing yet a few more weeks. As for basketball. Although, it is my favorite sport, I am wondering if I am going to be too chicken to play again for a while. Who knows. Other than that, I have already spent time playing the piano and when I did Brooklyn's hair in a ponytail today, it was so easy, looked good, and didn't cause her any pain. I love you, right hand. Don't ever break again!!!

Hallie is getting way too big. She is the most talkative girl and the things she says are hilarious. She has the absolute best pouty face I have ever seen. Hallie's favorite song is, "I Love to See Temple." That is the song she asks me to sing to her every night before bed. She knows all the words. She likes to turn music on and dance. She is a "daddy's girl." When picking dandelions to make wishes on, she always picks one to save for Derek. It is so sweet. She is always laughing or giggling. She loves to eat cucumbers. Hallie will repeat anything she hears. When I talk on the phone or am telling the other kids what they should be doing, she echoes everything that I say. I think she thinks she is the boss around here. She likes to constantly remind the other kids what they should be doing. Definitely a girl with some spunk! 

Brooklyn is my peacemaker. She is so good at being the one to give up what she has if someone else wants it. She is so petite. Hallie is starting to share clothes with her. Speaking of clothes, Brooklyn loves clohtes. She loves picking out her outfits right off in the morning. She also likes to do multiple wardrobe changes a day. She loves skirts and dresses. She is really good at making sure she is "modest" and points out when the princesses in movies are not. She always knows how she wants her hair. We signed her up for a dance clinic last month. She was so excited. She loves dancing and singing. She almost always is humming something. Although she loves playing with Jaxson and Hallie, she can often be found playing by herself in her room. She is content to have some time to herself. Brooklyn just turned 4 in January and she cannot wait to go to preschool next year. 

Jaxson is one of the sweetest boys ever. On the first Sunday after I broke my wrist, I was getting ready for church and everything was so difficult to do. I was attempting to curl my hair when Jaxson came in with the girls. He had gotten their dresses down, helped them get dressed, and then had done their hair. It was the cutest thing ever. When he was making dandelion wishes one day, I overheard one of his wishes. He said, "I wish that I can go to Heaven again one day." Out of curiosity, I asked him what his other wishes were. He said that he wished to be an avenger, he wanted to be magic and have power, and he wished our family could be together forever. Although he has this soft, gentle side, he also has a very active, loud little boy side. he has been doing really well in soccer. He has scored multiple goals in each game except one. He loves running. He learned to ride his bike and now is constantly outside riding around. Jaxson has done so well in school this year. I am excited, and a bit nervous, that he will be in a Chinese dual immersion program. I know he will be great!  

All my kids love to draw, color, and do puzzles. They love playing in water and doing anything else outside. They enjoy going on walks and having picnics. They also like to hike.  We go to the library every week and they love picking out their own books and/or videos. They like to bake and cook with me. Probably their favorite thing to do is watch a movie and have treats. They don't love doing jobs, but they usually will help out without too much complaining. They do the laundry. We have front-loading washer and dryer so they put the clothes in, switch them over from the washer to dryer, and unload the clothes from the dryer when they are done. They also are in charge of unloading the dishwasher. And of course, they are in charge of cleaning up their messes and keeping their rooms cleaned, including making their beds. They occasionally set the table and clear it. Jaxson is sometimes my helper in rinsing the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher. 

Derek is so busy, as usual. He has taken a break from school, but has picked up more hours at work. He works 6 days a week. His job requires him to wake up anywhere from 1:45-4:00 in the morning. He is a hardworker and goes to work everyday without complaining. He also commutes to Vegas once a week where he still has his second job. He wants to get back to school. I don't know how his body keeps going. He is also such a help around the house. He keeps our garage spotless and washes and vacuums the cars about once a week. He takes care of all the other little projects that come up around the house. When we do have time together, I always love it. He is the funniest guy ever. I have said this before, but there is nothing I love more than hearing him laugh. He has the best laugh in the whole world. Oh, and I should mention, Derek has gone bald. His hair has been thinning out for the last couple years, and he decided he would just shave it. Hopefully a picture will be coming soon...

So that is our family as of late. Lots of little details that probably seem insignificant, but I love looking back and having something to help me remember what we were doing and how life was. Time goes by way too fast. My babies are not so little anymore. One thing that having my miscarriage made me learn is to cherish every moment. My children really are miracles and I truly am so blessed to have them. Even though there can be hard moments and long nights, I pray that I can have more of those because they are so worth it. Those times have been part of the greatest joys and blessings of my life. 

A Rainy Day

It is raining. Although I don't necessarily like when it rains, it seems fitting for today. I am sad. Many of you don't know that I was expecting a baby. Key word: was. Yesterday at my OB appointment, I could see a little tiny body on the ultrasound, but there was no heartbeat. Nothing. I got sent to a specialist for another ultrasound. Nothing. The lady performing the ultrasound said there was no heartbeat, but my mind and heart didn't hear. I thought, "okay, well just keep looking." She then measured the baby and told me it made to 8 weeks 2 days. It registered what she was saying. That was it. No more baby. I started to cry, but felt I had to keep composure while I was in this office. They put me in a room where I had to wait for what felt like forever for the doctor to come. A song on the radio said, "this started out as such a beautiful day." Finally the doctor came in. This was a man that I have never met before, but he had what I would call a "gentle" spirit. He proceeded to tell me that the cells that made up this baby were formed before I even knew I was pregnant. There are good pregnancies and bad pregnancies. It was determined even then that this was not a good one. This was not because of anything I did or didn't do. Some of you may also not know that I fell and broke my wrist playing church basketball last Saturday. I pointed to my cast and asked if that had anything to do with losing this baby. He said, "no," but I held onto that question anyway.
With all my other pregnancies, as soon as I found out I was expecting, I stopped doing all forms of exercise (except walking). I would stop running and stop sports. Finally, I decided this time not to be so paranoid. I would finish playing basketball until after the tournament that I had already said I would participate in. The baby would only be about 9 weeks at that point. I didn't play quite as hard and I tried to be careful, but I chose to play and, of course, got injured. When I broke my wrist, my doctor assured me the baby would be fine. He said it would take a direct blow straight to the stomach for it to hurt the baby this early on. I felt relieved and didn't worry. I got my cast on Monday and went in for my OB appointment Thursday (yesterday).
So, back to the story, after the high-risk doctor was done, he sent me back to my doctor's office where once again, the wait was long and torturous. When he came in, he started to give me the same talk. Again, I asked if this happened because I played basketball. He started to say "no," but I told him, that they told me the age of the baby was 8 weeks 2 days and that was pretty close to when I fell. He doubled checked the other doctor's date which was actually 7 weeks 6 days. The baby passed before my accident. Plus, he said there would have been blood clots or a ruptured sac if my fall was the cause of this miscarriage. He again told me this did not happen because I played basketball. I cried some more. Through tears he told me that he was hurting for me. I cried more. He gave me my options for how to "clean" me out. I opted for a medicine that would help me contract and hopefully discard everythimg naturally. I know the baby is gone, but I don't like taking medicine that will hurt it. I saw the little head and body on the ultrasound. I have felt morning sickness. Even yesterday morning, I felt nauseous. My body was beginning to grow. This baby was mine.
Before I left, my doctor told me that God was not punishing me. I haven't done anything wrong. There wasn't some huge lesson I needed to learn. It just happened. I cried some more. Then I came to get my kids, and have had to act normal ever since. I am going to tell them tonight.
I am going to tell them what I know. I had a little baby inside of me, but now he is back in heaven with Heavenly Father. I might be a little sad because I will miss this baby and it is okay if they feel sad too, but we will get to see our baby again one day.

Words to part of a song I wrote before I was even pregnant...

A weeping mother, lost her child
Did Heaven turn away?
Now in her grieving, wonders why
Then she hears Heaven's reply:

How could I forget Thee
You're engraven on my hands
Every pain and heartache,
I understand
Come to me and rest
I'll never leave you comfortless
I've carried your sorrows
And borne your grief
Please trust in me

Random Events from 2012

I did a terrible job of posting all that we did last year. I wanted to add a few things  from the end of the year that I want recorded.

Jaxson ran his first 5K race with me for Swiss Days. It was quite the experience. He took off and was so excited. However, within maybe a hundred yards, he got a terrible side-ache. We stopped and I told him we could walk until he was ready to go again. Within a few seconds, he took off again, only to stop after a few more yards. By this time, he was pretty discourage because of all the runners that were passing us. I told him it was okay and that we would just walk again until he could run. We followed that pattern until we were dead last. He wanted to quit. I kept encouraging him. I knew that it wasn't necessarily his side-ache that was keeping him from continuing on, but that he thought it was pointless because we were last. There came a point, a little over half mile in, that he was done, but then I glanced down the road and saw my dad. I said, "Jaxson, look there's Grandpa!" This was motivation enough. My mom and the girls were with my dad. They cheered us on. My dad continued on with us. His added enthusiasm and encouragement helped Jaxson keep a pretty decent pace. We started to catch some other people. We still had to walk off his aching side every few minutes, but we pressed on. My dad then went to wait at the finish line. By this time, we only had a mile left. We passed a few more people. Once again, we saw my dad coming toward us. He let us know that we were almost there. Jaxson took off. He raced hard to beat me. I am so proud of my boy! This race was a good lesson for the two of us. First of all, when hard things happen to us, looking around at others who seem to be moving along just fine will only weigh you down more. In fact, it wasn't the side-ache that held Jaxson back after awhile, it was that he looked to see where everyone else was. In life we have struggles, but if we compare ourselves to others that can become a bigger problem that goes deeper and holds us back even more than the original struggle. Secondly, it doesn't always matter if you finish first or last, as long as you just finish. Finally, it is always worth it to push through hard times. Jaxson was so proud to finish and he is already looking forward to running with me again next year.

On the first weekend in October, we had a campout in my parent's backyard. We took our fire pit so we could make smores. After all, what is camping without smores? It was a fun way to camp that wasn't quite as much work as actually going out camping, but we still enjoyed many of the same benefits.

For Halloween this year, Jaxson was spiderman, Brooklyn was a fairy, and Hallie was a clown. The High School had a little trick-or-treat thing where you walk through all the halls and the high school students pass out candy. We went to that because I didn't think my kids would last too long walking the neighborhoods to trick-or-treat. They go a ton of candy at that. That night I wanted to still do a few houses, but they ended up lasting a lot longer than I expected, so once again, they loaded their candy buckets up. Holidays have been really fun this year as the kids are finally old enough to know to be excited.

We had a beehive in our house. Well, it was between our basement ceiling and the upstairs floor. The bees found an opening and built an enormous home for themselves. Derek went out to spray a few times, but didn't seem to really get rid of them. We finally had to call a guy and it cost us $250. Crazy! Once the bee activity died down, Derek cut open our ceiling and found the hive. The hive was over a foot tall and probably at least 3 feet long. Did I mention these were honey bees? So when the ceiling was opened up, guess what dripped all over? Then with all the trips of scraped out hive and bees up our stairs, there was honey on our banister, fuzz ball table, carpet, vacuum, bathroom, and lots of other random places. What a fun mess that was to clean up! Well, there were thousands of bees. When Derek took the hive to our garbage outside, they followed the hive there. Bees apparently can follow the smell. So then with traces of honey in our garbage can, I got to climb inside and clean that out. I am happy to say, that our house has been bee free since then.

Thanksgiving this year was lots of fun. We had Derek's family (minus his dad, brother, and one sister) come to our house and it was so fun for my kids to have their cousins here and I always enjoy spending time with Derek's family. I still feel so inexperienced as to the cooking. Dinner was fine, but I got to figure out how to use my oven wisely. When do you cook the rolls, the turkey, the yams, etc. There is too much that needs to be cooked at once. I could really use a double oven! So....

Christmas was so fun this year also. On Christmas morning, it was just Derek, the kids and I. After we opened the presents we had at home, we went to my parent's house to open presents from them and my siblings. Once again, it was so fun to spend time with family. My whole family was there, except of course my sister who is serving a mission. We did, however, get to Skype with her. We were especially spoiled this year. Friends and neighbors were so giving and generous. We had a secret Santa do the 12 days of Christmas, and we got other surprise gifts and goodies. Thank you to everyone for the gifts and also to those who traveled to spend time with us.

Gratitude List

I am getting worse at updating my blog. However, with Thanksgiving being next week, I wanted to write some of the top things I am grateful for. Here is goes:

-Jaxson who told me tonight that he can't wait for my birthday which isn't until next October because he will buy me a rose, a ring, and chocolate donuts (my favorite)
-Brooklyn who always wants to have girl parties with me
-Hallie who says, "Mom, you're cute" and wants to snuggle
-Our house. We love this house and I seriously hope to live here forever.
-Our street, neighborhood, ward, and community that is full of some of the best people I have ever known. I seriously feel like I live in Paradise.
-My family. I have the best parents in the world and my siblings are my best friends.
-My little brother who believes in me and has made me feel more confident in my talents.
-Music. I love how deeply music can touch me.
-Weekly volleyball. I get together with some ladies once a week to play. We take our kids and they play on the other half of the court. It has become such a highlight to play with these friends every week.
-Derek who works so hard to support our family. He is a good provider.
-People who give me a chance. I have accompanied some musical numbers lately and I appreciate those who have given me the opportunity and the chance to become better and more confident even though they could have found someone more qualified.
-Me. I am glad that I am me. I do not mean this in a boastful way at all because I am so not cool and I know it, but I like who I am. I am finally just comfortable with me which I went through a stage where I wasn't really. 
-St. George weather. It has taken me my whole marriage plus some years to get used to this heat, but man do I love it! Especially fall and spring which are long here.
-A testimony. I am so glad that I know who I am. I am glad to know that Heavenly Father is really there. I am grateful to know that I have an older Brother who atoned for not only every weakness I have, but for ever tear and heartache.

That sums it up for now. I could go on forever naming all the blessings that I have, but these are just some that have been on my mind. I truly am blessed with way more that I deserve.

Fun Week

On Labor Day, we got together with my family. We went to Jumping Jacks which kept the kids entertained for hours. Then my parents treated us to Golden Corral. Yummy! It was a fun day.

Today, I started my day with a walk. It was the most enjoyable walk I have had for a while since the weather was a little cooler. Right when we got home, my parents called to see if we wanted to go on a hike. We hiked the Temple Quarry trail. This is where the pioneers walked to get the black rock that they cut and loaded into their wagons. The rock was used for the foundation of the temple.
When we got home from the hike we went over to my parent's to run through the sprinklers to cool off from our hike. Then Derek suggested we go out to Chile's.
I am so glad we live where we do. There is so much to enjoy here. We especially love the outdoor activities we have been able to do since living here. Most of all, I am so grateful to live by my family. They have always been my best friends so it is awesome to be able to see them whenever we want!

Sometimes I Wonder Why

Lyrics to a song I wrote entitled "Sometimes I Wonder Why"

Sometimes I wonder why,
Why He would let you suffer
But you're stronger than you know,
His love you always show
I'll bet one day He'll pull you aside
And tell you why.
He'll say:

Chorus:
Now behold my Kingdom
Here is all that's yours
This is what I've prepared you for
This and so much more
Now you'll be here forever
In my rest you'll stay
For a moment I let you go
So you'd return one day

Sometimes I wonder why
Our efforts don't seem to matter
But we're stronger than we know
His love we'll always show
Maybe one day He'll pull us aside
And tell us why
He'll say: (repeat chorus)

We may not understand
All of our Father's plan
But there's one thing I know
His love He'll always show
And one day He'll pull aside
And tell us why
He'll say: (repeat chorus)

Poor Jaxson!

I have so much to update, but our most recent event or fiasco in this case is that Jaxson broke his arm. Any guesses how? Could it be from jumping off my parents huge playhouse? Nope. How about when he climbs on top of his bookshelf? Nope. What about when he climbs fences or the brick wall in our backyard and jumps off? No and no. He fell off of our couch. Seriously? For a kid who is always climbing, jumping, flipping, etc. I can't believe that was it. He was standing on the table part of our sectional and just fell off.

He didn't give a bloody murder scream so I didn't even realize he was really hurt. I decided to go see what happened and he told me his arm hurt. When I felt it he didn't completely freak, but I could tell something wasn't right because the bone was out of place. He still wasn't terribly upset so I hurried and got me and the girls ready to take him to the InstaCare.

I was counting on hearing that it was just popped out of place so I thought they would just "pop" it back and it would be over. I just figured that Jaxson would have really been freaking out if it was seriously injured. Anyway, the doctor at first didn't even seem that sure based on Jaxson's reactions. He made it sound like he was just going to do something to "deflate" the swolleness, but said he would take an x-ray to be sure it wasn't broken. Well, sure enough he snapped the bone just at the elbow. By the time they had moved his arm around for the x-rays is was swollen and obvious it was broken. His arm was a big "s" with is elbow poking out on his inner arm. The actual elbow piece was disconnected and bone was snapped just above that. The doctor told me he would have to see an orthopedic surgeon within a couple of days to evaluate for surgery. Then when we were ready to leave, he said that he felt like we needed to get in right away. He sent us to the ER to await surgery from the on-call doctor.

Jaxson couldn't eat or drink anything, not even water. He ate breakfast around 7:30 that morning, broke his arm around 9:30, had a sip of water at 11:00 or so, surgery at 7:15 that night, and finally got to eat after the surgery around 9:30 or so. He was in so much pain. They finally got him so morphine which they said would not only help with the pain, but would probably put him to sleep. Nope. He did not sleep at all just suffered through the day. I knew he was hungry, but he was a sport about no eating food. However, he kept saying, "mom, please just let me have a drink of water." So sad. I would explain that he couldn't have any because then they would have to wait to fix his arm because they needed his tummy empty to start helping him. (They can't give anesthetics unless they have fasted for so long). I felt so terribly. He just wanted a little water.

He has two pins in his elbow. They are sticking out of his arm a little, but they put a cast over that. His cast his huge on the elbow part because of the pins and extra cushion they put around it. The pins they will take out in another week, but then they will recast it for two more weeks.

They don't keep casts on for very long with breaks there because they said you could permantely lose mobility in the elbow. They said his elbow would be "stiff" for life, but I talked to my friend whose daughter had this same exact break (twice) and she said her daughter is fine. I am praying for that, but even still I am thinking stiff means he will do everything normal but that arm will just feel a little stretched if he is doing anything seriously using that joint.

We are blessed that we got him in right away. They got is bones all aligned without having to make any huge incisions. The doctor says that is only really possible if you operate within 12 hours of break. Also, he broke his right arm, but luckily he is left-handed. These are a few up-sides of this whole situation.

Finally, I wanted to write some of the cute things he did during this time.

-Whenever anyone had to move his arm for like x-rays, the splint, of just checking it out, he would kindly say, "Doctor please stop. Please stop touching my arm." I would have been screaming, "Don't touch me!!"
-After the doctor told us it was broken, he left the room for a second and Jaxson looked at me through his teary eyes and asked, "Mom, do I have to go to the cemetery?" He thought he was going to die. So sad!

-When he was really have a lot of pain he would keep saying, "Mom, I really love you." Oh, my boy, I really love you.

-He mentioned a few times that, "This is a tough day."

-Jaxson struggled to sleep the next night after the surgery because of pain. He never fell asleep before 1:00 a.m.. I would get him to sleep and then lay down on the floor next to his bed where I slept and right when my head would touch my pillow, he would be crying out again. After the long day at the hospital and no sleep that night, then a long day of caring for him and the girls who were a bit crazy and then another night of no sleep, I was getting worn out. I finally said, "Jaxson you are so tired. Just try to close your eyes and sleep until it is time for more medicine. Mommy is so tired too. Let's get some sleep." So after we couldn't sleep he kept saying, "I am sorry you can't sleep," or, "I am sorry I make it that you can't sleep." I felt terrible. I was being such a selfish mother. I had to tell him that it was okay and that I was more sorry that he was hurt and he couldn't sleep. The next day he still told me a few times, "I am sorry I didn't let you sleep last night." He is the sweetest boy ever! If only I were more like him!

Even though the doctor said there is a good chance that sometimes with this kind of break in the spot that it was could mean future breaking, I really hope not. There is nothing worse in the world than to see your child suffer. I don't know how the parents of children with serious illnesses or health problems can do it.

 I wanted to mention how grateful I am for my family and friends. My dear friend in my ward took the girls at a seconds notice. She is so busy being the Relief Society President, doing PTA stuff before school startsI am sure, taking care of her own little kids. She also provided dinner the night after we got home. I thought we would be fine, but I was so exhausted. I didn't realize how wearing the day would be. Seeing her walk in with my other sweet friend was such a relief. And then to my family. Derek was out of town working during all of this. My sweet parents came and sat with me at the hospital so I wouldn't have to be alone. Finally, my sister and her husband who took the girls for the rest of the day and night. Then the next day took the girls out to the splash pad while Jaxson and I got a nap in that was much needed. That gave me a huge boost. To top that off, she brought lunch over. Derek has been sweet to clean up and help out with other things so I could just sit and rock/comfort Jaxson. I love that guy! I love my sister. I love my parents. I love my ward and friends. I am one blessed woman!

Lake Powell 2012

We enjoyed yet another great reunion with the Bergstrom family at Lake Powell. We only spent 3 days there this year, but it was filled with lots of fun. The kids actually tried the water slides and have gotten so much more comfortable swimming in the water. We enjoyed the sun and the water, but most of all, we enjoyed spending time with our cousins and family on the Bergstrom side.

Something Right

Sometimes as Mothers, I think we wonder if we are doing things right. We wonder if our kids are catching any of the principles we are trying to teach them. We wonder if they know we love them, even when as parents we lose our patience all too quickly. But then, I am sure that every now and then all of us glimpse moments when our kids choose the right or say or do something that speaks peace to our hearts that we are in fact doing at least something right.
Well, let me share a couple of these precious moments with you. I just got done checking on my kids. They are having a slumber party with their cousins because my sister is out of town. I put them in their beds, then went to put Hallie down. When I came back down, they were all kneeling together taking turns saying their prayers. Yes! They do know to pray! In fact, my kids are so good at thinking to pray when they are afraid at night. They tell me they want to pray because "Jesus will keep me safe," they say. Then they lay back down and go to sleep like nothing ever was wrong. I have lost our kid-fingernail clippers and when Jaxson and I searched and couldn't find them, he said, "mom, you should pray, Jesus knows where they are." Anyway, I love that they think to pray and tonight was special to know that even in the excitement of being with cousins, they still remembered. As I stood outside the door to listen it was especialy sweet to hear Jaxson say that he likes to cuddle with his mom and to hear Brooklyn say she knows mom will take care of her and keep her safe. So sweet!
Also, the other night when I was tucking Jaxson in, I bent down and kissed him after we'd prayed and sang our special lullaby. I said, "I love you Jaxson," and I expected the usual "love you too" response. Although I love hearing my kids say they love me, his reply meant a million times more that night. He said, "I know Mom." That is all I really want. I want my kids to know I love them. I wonder sometimes if they feel loved when I "lose it" so often. Anyway, that moment was one of those priceless moments only a mother can enjoy.
Being a wife and mother is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I was the girl who just wanted to be a mom when she grew up. It is so different than I imagined. There are so many things I had no idea would be so hard, but I am so grateful to have my children. I don't think anything could ever compare with these kind of special moments only mother's have. Seeing your kids grow and learn and overcome and do hard things...oh, well, you know!

No Longer a Baby...

My sweet little Hallie is now in nursery. Last week was her first week. It felt a bit odd not having a baby or at least expecting a baby because that has been the story so far with my other kids-not that I haven't thought of another one already, but it just isn't "time."

She went right in, but I guess she started crying once she got in there. After a few minutes of crying, she zonked out and slept through the rest of nursery. I think she is going to do great in there, at least on the days she can stay awake!

This girl has changed so much in the last few months. She has started saying so many words and phrases. She loves Jaxson and always starts calling his name after I get her out of her bed in the morning. Yes, I said bed. She is already in a bed. She hated her crib and is doing much better in her bed. She loves animals. We recently went on a trip to Grand Granma's farm and she about had a heart attack from excitement overload when she saw the cows, chickens, sheep, and the dog. At the lake last week, she layed on her tummy in the sand and just took huge bites out of the said under her face. Those were some awesome diapers to change! Speaking of diapers, she hates getting her diaper changed and will run and hide whenever I tell her we need to change it. I am hoping that will mean she will be easy to potty train. She loves to dance and "essize" (exercise-she attempts the Insanity moves with me). She makes us laugh so much. I love my girl!

First Camping Trip

                                  

We attempted our first camping trip last week. We stayed at the campground in Snow Canyon State Park. With it being like 5 minutes from our house, we didn't even head up until 5:00 p.m. on Tuesday night. We roasted hot dogs for dinner and what is camping without smores?! I asked Jaxson a few weeks ago what his favorite treat was and surprisingly he said smores. We just haven't had them since last summer so I was surprised that he thought to say that. So needless to say, they were greatly enjoyed!

After dinner we went to play at the sand dunes up there. Interestingly enough, we ran into a couple who was visiting from Europe. It was fun to visit with them while the kids played.

Then it was back to our campsite for bed, well actually lots of giggling and playing with flashlights then bed. :)

 We got up in the morning, derek made us some potatoes and sausage, and then we packed up. It was a pretty quick trip, but I think we all had fun. The kids keep asking when we are going camping again. I had fun as well. It was lots of work loading sleeping bags, the tent, clothes, food, bug spray, flashlights, dutchoven, drinks, etc. and it was also a little tough with them being so little to be able to set things up and take down without issues thrughout the process. I would say though, that even though it is a lot of work, kids remember the times you spend with them doing family things. I am glad we went and look forward to going again.

Mother's Day

Here is a mother's day poem I wrote for my mom back when I was pregnant with Jaxson. I presented it to her in a scrapbook that I made with pictures of us through the years that kind of corresponded to the words. At the end of the scrapbook I had photcopied pages from my journal of things I wrote about her growing up and memories I had of her. Anyway, here it is!!!

The One Who Raised Me ( I just barely made that title up! :)  )

I remember when I was small
And you, Mom, seemed so very tall.
I never thought I could grow to be,
Like you, Mom, the one who raised me.

Time moved on and I soon found,
My head had grown a ways from ground.
Still somehow I just couldn't see,
How to become like the one who raised me.

I watched closer at all that you did,
So I wouldn't always "just be a kid."
I wanted to grow and become someone strong,
And no one was stronger than you were Mom!

You were my mentor, my guide, and my path
On becoming a person who Father would have.

Now I'm grown and we're equal in size,
But you still seem taller when I look in your eyes.
You have so much wisdom, strength, and beauty.
I doubt I'll ever be like the one who raised me.

Time will move on and I hope that someday
Others will see me and quickly will say,
"Like mother, like daughter, it's easy to see."
Then I'll be like you, Mom, the one who raised me.

A little on the cheesy side, but I do feel that way about my mom. I have always wanted to be like her and I have tried to pattern my life after her's in her character and her example of love for everyone. I am not sure that I will ever be as great as her, but if I could ever be a spect of the person she is then I would be satisfied with who I've become
Now on the side of me being the Mom, I just have to say that I am so grateful to be a mother. I love my children. No matter how challenging motherhood can be, I would never ever change the life I have as a mother. Some days it is the thought of my kids that keeps me going. I have a responsibility to teach them and provide a good life for them. That thought motivates me to be better.
So to all women out there, Happy Mother's Day!

Ironman

Today, even now as I am typing this post, my dad is in a race. This is not just any race. It is a race like none other; 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, and 26.2 mile run!!! They call this race IRONMAN and with good reason. People who do this kind of racing must have extraordinary power for their bodies to endure that much activity for that long.
It is crazy fun to watch. The adrenaline is amazing. I just stare at each athlete in awe that they have trained their bodies to push to such incredible limits. And now, to think that my dad is among them. AMAZING! He has been training for the past 18 months or so. Plus, he is in his fifties which is saying a lot since I think a lot of the racers are way younger or at least have been doing this kind of stuff way longer.
We have met up with him twice to cheer him on today. The wind has been brutal. For the swim there were big waves. Biking against the wind has made it even tougher. He is starting his running any time now and I will be atching up with him for that.

But first...speaking of running. Jaxson did his own "Ironkid" race last night. It is part of the Ironman events. He did a 200 meter run. It was fun to see him in his shirt with his bib (race number) and then to get a metal. They even got to finish at the same finish line as the actual Ironman race. He did great.
So an update and hopefully pictures of my dad's race to come.

Easter

Easter is quite an eventful holiday these past few years. Now that Jaxson is in preschool he does an easter egg hunt at school which we had to buy candy and eggs for. Then we went to Ivins for an easter egg pickup. They scattered like 12,000 eggs over this huge grassy area and had a seperation for different age groups. Last year Jaxson got tons of eggs. This year, he collided with another boy right as they let the kids out on the field. He scraped his knee pretty bad so by the time I got him to stop crying all the eggs were gone. I couldn't get my girls to go get some without me either. So it was pretty sad ending up with three empty baskets. Luckily, there are lots of nice people in the world. A few kids shared who saw what happened. Other kids gave us some who just noticed we didn't have any. That made it all worth it.
Finally, we had an Easter egg hunt at my parents' house just before Easter dinner. It was a nice holiday.
Besides the fun things of Easter, it is such a special holiday to me for religious reasons. Isn't it amazing that He was resurrected and that we will be too? Plus, I am so grateful for the Savior's atoning sacrifice. I am thankful that He not only makes repentance possible through the Atonement, but that "He has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows;" that He can lift our burdens and we can have peace no matter what struggles life hands us. He is there. That I know.
Ok, I wasn't planning on adding this to my Easter post, but it seems fitting here. The latest song I wrote includes these lyrics that touch on that testimony I just shared. Hopefully soon I will figure out a way to post this with the tune as well, but for now...

Look Up

Have you ever laid awake at night,
Feeling nothing's right?
Have you ever woke up in the morn
Already tired and worn?


(Chorus)
Oh there's someone there beside you
Pushing you along.
He is there to lift and guide you
If you can just hold on.
Have the faith to look up.
All fear leave behind.
He'll be there to pick you up,
And speak peace to your mind.


Have you ever had one of those days
All you could do was pray?
At times it's hard to learn and grow,
But this I've come to know (repeat chorus)


Have the faith to look up,
All fear leave behind.
He'll be there to pick you up,
And speak peace to your mind.
Look up.

The Kids

My kids seem to be growing an changing so fast. I am not really good at recording cute things they say and do, but I thought it is about time to write something about them at the ages they are at.

Jaxson

Jaxson has started preschool this last year. He has done very well. He is my observant child and picks up on things so fast. He loves doing "homework" (optional worksheets). His teachers love him and have told me he is the most content kid ever.
We also put him in soccer. After seeing his cousin play he declared he wanted to as well. So, we signed him up, but when the first game came around, he would not get out on the field. He clung to my leg. Finally, after ALOT of encouragement he agreed to go out on the field and stand there. He covered his eyes and stood in the same spot while it was his turn to be in. My dad told him that he would give him a dollar if he scored a goal so when the teams were off the field for half time he darted across the field, got the soccer ball, and went and kicked it in the goal then raced back to me. Little smarty pants! He loves soccer, but he was afraid to go play with the other kids. At the second game, he didn't go out at all. I tried to keep being the encouraging parent, but it was hard to be all cheery when I knew he wanted to play and I knew he would love it, but he wouldn't try. Plus, the constant "I don't want to play, I'm not going out there," kind of comments were driving me nuts. I was getting irritated and felt like a horrible parent for feeling that way. So for the next games I decided not to go necessarily watch my kid, but to just go and enjoy it no matter what. Finally on the day of the third game we had a little pep talk before. He was whining about going and getting his uniform on even though he really did want to play. That was just his way of dealing with his fear. I told him I wouldn't make him do anything he didn't want to do. I told him it would be his choice to go out there and play. I told him that I love him and am proud of him no matter what, but I told him we would go and support his team and we would have a good attitude about it. We would go and have fun no matter what. Right before we were leaving he told me he would have a good attitude today. I smiled and told him thank you. When we got there his coach came and encouraged him to warm up with the team. He did! My dad again bribed him with this cool flashlight that you can wrap around stuff. Then when the game was about to start and she asked if he wanted to go on the field first, he said yes. After running around and receiving lots of cheers from his family including grandma, grandpa, my sister, and her family. He could not stop smiling. He was so proud. You could see it on his face. I love those moments. Now he can't wait until soccer day. He has only come off the field once while it was his turn to be on and that was to inform me that he saw a lot of birds flying together in the sky. :)
Jaxson is always thoughtful and will randomly give me a hug or do something nice for someone. He is very active. He loves running, riding his bike, soccer, baseball, swimming, and hiking. He likes coloring and writing. At school his favorite station is the writing station. He loves movies. He has Derek's contagious laugh. He will get laughing and it is so hard not to join in when you hear him. I love watching America's Funniest Home Videos with him. I love my little guy.

Brooklyn

Brooklyn loves clothes. She did not get this from me. I am a jeans and T-shirt kind of gal. I hate shopping and don't know anything about fashion. She loves picking out her outfit right when she wakes up in the morning. She would do multiple wardrobe changes a day if I let her. She always says things like "mom, that's so cute!" or "this is pretty."

She loves to talk and sing. She will talk to herself all day and all night. Seriously,she talks her way through nap time and sometimes up to two hours after I put her to bed at night. She loves to put on music and dance.

Brooklyn is our goofy girl. She makes us laugh because she can be so giggly and do silly dances when she is excited. She also does the most random things.
She absolutely adores nursery. She asks me every day if it is Sunday. All through sacrament meeting she says "is it time for nursery yet?" She is starting to get that before nursery we have a closing song and prayer in sacrament meeting. She starts to get so excited when she hears the organ start playing. One Sunday right after the closing prayer while it was still quiet, she stood up and yelled "yay, it is time for nursery. I get to go to nursery." Everyone started laughing. So funny. She also loves story time at the library. I take her once a week on one of Jaxson's preschool days. I think she feels like those things are her very own Brooklyn things.

Although she is catching up in her weight (now 29 pounds), it is still a pain to find pants that fit her waste and aren't totally short. Her pants are always falling off even with a lot of elastic waistbands. Also, for being a little one, she sure can down the food when she wants to. Her nursery teachers told me she won't stop eating when they bring out the snacks. They said it is like she doesn't get enough to eat at home. They started sending cups of goldfish crackers home with her. Embarrassing! I was sure to let the teachers know she is just a little snacker and that goldfish are her favorite. Plus, their snack time is just after 11:00 which is not too much before her normal lunch time. We eat between 11:30 and 12:00 depending on if it is a preschool day or not. So she is thinking their snack time is her lunch. She won't ever eat lunch when we get home from church.

Brooklyn also likes to hike and swim. She is also really good at puzzles. She says she is excited for her turn to play soccer. She is sure a sweet girl. Love her!

Hallie

Where to start. She is so stinking cute! She already says lots of words and phrases. My favorite thing she says is "oh man!" She says it so cute. She is more social than any of my other kids. Probably because she has been around a lot more people. Living by my family has given her lots of chances to be with cousins and other adults. She will go snuggle with just about anyone.

She loves rolling the balls on our pool table. She loves to play with any balls really.

Hallie really enjoys being outside. She is quite a trooper when we go on hikes Last week, I took the kids on a two mile hike in Snow Canyon State Park and she just sat on my hip, but she also got super happy when we stopped for brakes and she could get down to walk around and play in the dirt.
Her latest thing is that she loves to sit at the counter bar with the older kids. She loves feeding herself and does not like when I try to feed her. That is nice most the time, but sometimes eating really messy stuff it would be nice to help a little.
Hallie is talking so much. I don't understand a lot of what she says, but love to listen anyway. She loves to say, "mom, mom, mom, mom" about a million times in a row, especially when she wants to show me something.

Hallie also loves clothes. She likes to bring me clothes and shoes to put on her. She happens to pick out a lot of green. I guess she likes that color.

Hallie has been such an easy-going baby. She is getting so big. I want her to slow down. I need her to stay my little "snuggle bug" longer. I love her chubby little cheeks and her wild hair. I love you Hallie baby.